World's Stupidest Recipe

When I started reading the Food Section the San Diego Union-Tribune yesterday and saw that they were going to talk about a book of recipies for sandwiches, I was a bit surprised. I didn’t know that there was such a thing as a recipe for a sandwich. Who needs a recipe to make a sandwich?

Then I thought that maybe it was going to be about some kind of weird sandwiches like the Monte Christo, which is fried, so I started reading it. But no, it included a recipe for a Bacon, Lettuce and Tomato sandwich which, unsurprisingly, said to put bacon, some tomato and a bit of lettuce between two slices of bread. It did say to slice the tomato and cook the bacon first, and it directed us to toast the bread and to add some Mayo, but who in God’s name needs a recipe book to know any of that?

The capper was the one which invoked my title, which is not a recipe at all.

Dagwood Sandwich
Makes 1 sandwich

As many slices of your favorite bread as you can eat
As many slices of your favorite meats and cheese as you’d like
Any desired fillers, such as lettuce, tomatoes, pickles or peppers
As many condiments, such as mustard, mayo, barbecue sauce, or Thousand Island dressing, as you can manage
A really long toothpick or wooden skewer
A green olive

Spread out all the ingredients on a large, clean work surface. Carefully build your sandwich. Piece it with the toothpick or skewer. Stick olive on the top.

The olive wowed me. I would never have thought of that olive, and without it my Dagwood Sandwich would have been a total disaster. Thank God I had this “recipe” to save me from my own utter incompetence.