Lap Cat

Molly is a “lap cat,” spending much time in my lap or my wife’s when we are reading or watching television; mostly mine, since Kathy is constantly bounding up and down to do things, while am usually about as active as your average root vegetable. While being a lap cat, Molly constantly proves the third law of cat physics, “A cat’s weight is inversely proportional to the level of its alertness.” Her eight pounds gradually increases to about eighty.

One rule of being in my lap is that no bathing is allowed, which occasionally precipitates a mild contretemps; Molly is a frequent and very enthusiastic bather. She knows the rule and is mostly cool with it, but every once in a while she discovers a spot on her coat which is just unbearably filthy and needs to be dealt with immediately. When that happens I poke her butt with a fingertip and she stops and glares at me, and I then give her a lecture about not giving me “attitude” and knowing the rules.

My wife is vastly amused at me lecturing a cat who is motionless in my lap and giving me a look that could melt the paint off of a battleship. I have to admit that “the look” sometimes makes me have second thoughts about the butt poke. Molly does, after all, have teeth and claws.

Update: No, this is not "the look." This is merely, "What was that?"

Update: Monday, 7:50am
The first law of cat physics is that, "The temperature of a room can be measured by the length of a sleeping cat."

The second law of cat physics is also the first law of cat thermodynamics, "All heat in a room radiates to the cat."