Stock Car Follies

Stock car racing has its clowns and follies, too.

After the first pit stop last night in Kentucky, during which almost everyone got only two tires, Kyle Petty and company went into a couple of dissertations that, even for them, was more than a bit weird. First they focused on Danica Patrick, who had restarted 11th and was running 16th. Kyle opined that the reason was that she had taken four tires and he thought that it "takes longer for those four tires to come in."

I was thinking that was a remarkable example of blowing smoke up our dresses when they next went to Jimmie Johnson, who had gained four positions after the restart. The reason they gave for that gain? You got it: he was one of the ones who had gotten four tires.

These two pieces of commentary came in immediate succession, and were delivered with complete confidence and aplomb. They did not explain why four new tires would cost Danica five positions while gaining four positions for Jimmie, nor did they seem to find anything in the least contradictory or odd about their positions.

They also did not explain, of course, why Danica, after her four tires "came in" continued advancing to the rear, running as low as 29th before finishing in 21st place after several cars ahead of her crashed.

They also spoke at great length about the failure of an air gun during a Jeff Gordon pit stop, and about how crews treat air guns like the crown jewels and such. Two are former drivers and one of them is the greatest crew chief in the history of any form of auto racing (he was described by his associate in the prerace as “America’s Crew Chief”) and none of them asked why no replacement air gun was ready to go when the air gun failed. The crew looked like a bunch of chickens with their heads cut off, and it took them almost a full minute to get a replacement air gun ready to go. WTF?

I've seen air guns fail and the guy behind the wall pull it back and toss a replacement in a couple of seconds, and I've never been anything other than a fan. But an observant fan. These announcers were apparently not even watching what they were being paid to announce, because they didn't even notice the total confusion that the pit crew exhibited when the air gun failed, how totally unprepared they were for that event, and that they had no backup air gun ready to go.

These clowns are so clueless regarding the topic they are discussing that maybe they should run for Congress, or perhaps the White House.