Hyperventilation

Remember the Bush years of hyperventilation about “weapons of mass destruction” that weren’t there, and waiting for the dreaded "mushroom cloud" to show up? And when it didn't we started a war nonetheless. Remember all of the dastardly terrorist plots that were averted just one moment short of Armageddon? Like the guys in Florida who were holding close order drill and requesting combat boots in preparation for blowing up the Sears Tower in Chicago. Or the guy who was going to blow up the Mackinac Bridge with all the cell phones he had, but it turned out he was merely bootlegging cell phones.

Well either we have Bush leftovers or Obama is into the same thing.

First we have the two, apparently unrelated, terrorists who are mouthing off in bars about wanting to blow things up until the FBI hears about them and sells them some play-do, teaches them how to wire it up with a cell phone, and then sits back and watches them dial the number. So they saved us from two play-do bombers in one day.

Then we have a guy who aspires to be the next Osama so he goes to Pakistan for training, but they send him back home because he’s as dumb as a sack of hammers. The FBI follows him around and watches him buying hair care products until they suddenly realize he’s flying back and forth between New York and Denver and, apparently, buying hair care products both places. So they bag him and stand at a podium prating about having stopped the “biggest thing since 9/11.”

The only problem is, we can’t find any bombs. Turns out he hadn’t actually learned how to make any and, while hair care products do contain some of the ingredients used for making bombs, you can’t really make bombs out of hair care products. Which shouldn’t really surprise anybody, but somehow manages to surprise the FBI.

All of which would be fine, if they just bagged these guys and had a trial to put them out of business. All of us would just say, “Okay, good job.”
The problem is all of the ballyhoo and hot air about what they think they stopped. “The biggest thing since 9/11?” It was a wingnut trying to make a bomb from retail purchases of hair dye!

Finally, we have the astonishing and terrifying discovery of an Iranian nuclear facility, one which “appears too small to fuel a nuclear power station but enough to yield fissile material for one or two nuclear warheads a year.”

This means war! No more diplomacy with these, these….

Oh, actually, there’s no “there” there. Iran tells the nuclear oversight committee they can come look at the new site and they report, "The idea was to use it as a bunker under the mountain to protect things," ElBaradei said, “It’s a hole in the mountain.”

This is your Bush Obama government protecting you.