CBS Does It Again

While the left-wing bloggers are fulminating about ABC’s series “The Path to 9/11" subtitled “It’s All Clinton’s Fault,” CBS is doing much the same thing as ABC only using the “one day at a time” approach. Why are you surprised? Remember that the networks are owned by major corporations that need a political climate favorable to large profits, and don’t forget that the Republicans control the Federal Communications Commission (which “regulates” the networks).

I watched CBS Evening News again last night. As an aside, I’m not going to be able to keep doing that or it will lead to me destroying living room furniture or, at a minimum, terrorizing the cat. She already knows not to come near the living room during NFL games; she remembers that from last year. Poor thing, she doesn’t know the season starts tonight. But it doesn’t get rowdy until Monday night when the Chargers open against the Raiders. Pant, pant, pant. But I digress.

First Couric had an “exclusive, unprecedented” interview with George Bush. Everything with Couric is now “exclusive” and “unprecedented” but, sorry lady, Bush has been interviewed before. Admittedly this one had a rather unique style. First they are sitting, then they’re pacing in the hall, then they’re sitting again, then pacing; I’m surprised she didn’t make the poor guy neurotic. Oh, wait…

Anyway, she gave him a platform for his propaganda, which was the plan, of course. She gave him a chance to say, “This is the great ideological struggle of the 21st century” which has replaced “stay the course.” Actually, he doesn't need much of an opening to say that. You could ask him what's for dinner and he would work “This is the great ideological struggle of the 21st century” into his reply.

He told us he’s emptied out the secret overseas prisons that we don’t have, has placed the captured 9/11 operatives that were in those nonexistent prisons into Cuba, and that is urgent that we now “bring them to justice." Why now? Why hasn’t it been urgent for the past how many months we’ve had them? Duh. Because the elections weren’t close enough then.

She gave him a chance to tell us that we’re not interrogating prisoners any more because the operatives (that's our operatives, CIA, not the captured ones) are afraid that the laws regarding it are too vague. Oh, barf. The law which he wants to change essentially makes it illegal to violate the Geneva Conventions, and it is those Conventions that he regards as vague. Those Conventions were ratified by Congress after WW2 and became the law of the land. They have not been considered vague for more than 50 years.

Try to keep all of the "operatives" (CIA, captured, etc) straight, by the way. Yet more operatives are going to join the cast shortly.

Then he told us what the interrogation, not torture, no no never torture, of these prisoners – whoops, wrong word, captured operatives – has revealed: (not his exact words, but…)

"There were these guys that were going to fly into the West Coast… I think it was the West Coast, it was buildings and they were Southeast Asian guys and it was somewhere in America, I don’t remember where. And they were going to fly airplanes into America. And now it’s been declassified so that I can tell you about it.”

Well, that scared the crap out of me. Last I checked, flying airplanes into America was not problematic. It’s done hundreds of times every day.

If you meant flying airplanes into buildings on the West Coast, yes it was the West Coast and the Department of Homeland Stupidity told us all about that plot a long time ago. Do we have any of the “Southeast Asian guys” (operatives) in custody? No, I thought not.

The best part was when he says, “I’m afraid that someone will sneak into America and kill Americans. And I won’t know about it.”

What, like a major hurricane while you’re in San Diego selling a Social Security plan to enrich your “corporate base”?

Next we are treated to an “exclusive, unprecedented” tour of the terrorism control center that is “..so secret that we agreed not to tell you where it is.” The only thing CBS touts as much as the current Administration is itself with all of the “exclusive” and “unprecedented.” Give it a rest.

We're shown “the most secret binder in America, the ‘Threat Matrix’.” (Why do I feel like vomiting?) This is a ring binder that contains all of the daily terrorist threats against the United States. You might think they would be maintained in a computer database, but apparently they print them out every day and put them in a neat binder from Office Depot with an official-looking emblem on the front. Maybe they are handwritten in this binder as the secret agents phone them in on their shoe phones.

The interviewee, a retired admiral whose name now escapes me because I was so dazzled by the “Threat Matrix” that I didn’t make a note of his name, said that there are sixty to ninety threats per day in that binder and admitted that many of them “come to nothing.”

“But every day,” he adds, “there are real terrorist threats against America.”

Fade to Katie Couric with creepy, dread-inducing music. (Actually, I added that; they didn’t really do it.)

Couric asked the audience for an appropriate way for her to sign off, and I have it. Here it is. You can use it for free Katie.

“This is Katie Couric, good night America. Stay Republican and protect corporate profits.”